Today I did absolutely nothing, except laze around, watch TV, surf the web, and sleep until 6:30 in the morning because I had Synchronized Swimming (Well that explains why I was tired...)
Really I should be working on Synchronized or something then typing this pointless blog entry which even you should know by now is really very useless to your eyes but hey, your choice!
While you are sitting around drumming your fingers probably about to exit out of my blog and never come back I was wondering if you could critique a tiny bit of the first chapter of Synchronized... this I should say is a rough first draft that hasn't been edited or looked at too much so in your critiques please be nice!
Here it is... right below, in bold lettering. OK you probably already realized that....
Now I'm not trying to be rude or anything but someone could of told me that practice didn't start till Thursday and I needn't of waited for three and a half hours for my mom to come and get me – I'd forgotten my phone - and even now its Thursday - I checked 50 times to make sure - and still nobody's here but an older girl with red hair speaking in french on her iPhone couldn't she do this outside the change room? I want to go home! There's a knocking on the door and I hurry to open it. What I'm looking at is an average 10 year old with long brown hair slicked back into a ponytail, a black hoodie, wavy jeans, and red flip flops AKA Jennifer Kidd! Following her is blonde haired Joyce Lethbridge also 10 or is it 11 now? Joyce and Jennifer had been with me in the Recreational team last year.
“Sophie girlfriend whats up haven't seen you for ages!” Joyce cries as she takes he ear phones out of her ear and shoves her purple iPod nano into her purple Surrey Pacific Synchro bag I smile typical Joyce she buys an iPod and pretends it's no big deal I smile all the same and give her a hug.
“so you've met Felicity – our coach! - huh?” she whispers into my ear, how can she think that?! There's only the red-haired girl and me if you don't include the other two.
“Where” I joke looking around, but Joyce looks back at me seriously and points to the red-haired girl or woman I guess, who's probably in her early twenties.
“your not serious” I say but from her face I can tell she is.
Jennifer, Joyce, and I are the only tier 1's that have shown up sure a few tier 6's are practising all the way on the other side and the Recreational team is jumping into the water not to mention the tier 3's who are laughing and playing a game in the shallow end that of course includes my best friend Hannah Sunshine. Us? Well we're still sitting here on the pool deck letting Felicity drone on I would much rather still be comparing apps with Hannah but Felicity wouldn't hear it.
“Now it's time to get into the water!” Zoe cries and Jennifer, Joyce, and I got into the water it felt nice too have the cool water run through my body and it seemed only a minute later we were doing a strict warm-up and then come's unders. What could I say they weren't difficult well they were they were, actually they were extremely HARD I have Asthma see and that makes it harder for me to breath under water apparently Zoe has NO SYMPATHY for that wimpy movement (her words not mine)! Really she almost drowned us SO NOT COOL! An under is basically staying under water as you do breast-stroke and do it for a certain length of the pool – this time just the width – what else? Oh and yeah you can't uh, BREATH!!!
“You can do it Sophie!” Joyce encourages me as I breath before I go under I make it, of course but barely.
So did you like it? Did you hate it? Was it so-so? Tell me below, be a pal and critique! Thanks sooooo much!
- Jocelyn AKA Crazy Writer
